Solstice and Self Reflection

All Work Is Self Work

I’m sure a lot of us are immersed in all the multi tasking that is required to navigate this experience successfully. It will be Beautiful and terrible, exhausting and exhilarating, and just as heavy as it is hypnotic.

These are two of the things helping me dance between the focus and the flow.

Working to get in better shape.

For a person who has willingly identified as an ogre for a decade or more, it’s fascinating to feel myself shift more toward image and appearance. I’m sure it has something to do with me being right smack in the middle of the mid-life crisis range. (For the record I completely reject the crisis part and replace it with opportunity) I have to be honest about what I’m feeling if I want to deal with it successfully, so this is a mid-life opportunity to commit to a different set of focus and standards. 

One thing I’m very happy about is that I recently restarted my daily walking exercise. Sometimes it’s to brainstorm and develop thoughts. Other times it’s like a moving meditation because I need a break from my thoughts. It works perfectly either way and I also get some sun and some cardio. Intermittent fasting is also helping a lot. Night time comfort snacking also called Hedonic Eating, was a big problem, but it felt good so I let it ride. Now I have a slightly better understanding of why it felt good. 

When things wind down for the evening it’s easy to start replaying the scorecard for the day. Wondering if I had been productive enough, or if I did anything that would significantly move the needle in our favor. When I didn’t like the answers I was receiving from myself, the least I could do was treat myself. Food is definitely one of the things that work deeply on my state of being. Chinese food is the savior when I feel overwhelmed and stressed. Sweet foods come to the rescue when I’m punishing myself for something and I want to let it go. Progress is being made.

As of right now my weight is the lowest it’s been in a long time so I have a good starting point to install these new habits and keep moving in the right direction.

Producing more from what I consume.

I’ve spent a significant amount of time over the past couple years voraciously ingesting other people's content. Deep diving into entrepreneurial advice, personal development, motivation, spiritual insights, even quantum science and the nature of reality. Some of it has been effective for me and other stuff I can barely remember, but the thing that stands out most to me is that I don't have much evidence of everything I’ve been consuming. That's mostly because I haven't produced very much with it.

At some point it starts to feel like I’m hoarding information. Stocking up for the day when an opportunity presents itself and all of these years of YouTube university will finally pay off. To be honest that’s not enough for me anymore. We decided a long time ago to model more than just our garden space according to nature. I think everything we need to thrive on this planet in harmony with each other can be found in nature's example. I also think the idea of being fruitful and multiplying is about more than just the population. Maybe it's about being fruitful in our creativity and multiplying our opportunities to serve the people around us.

When a fruit is produced for us to consume it carries seeds that give us the possibility of continuing the process. We collect seeds from a lot of what we eat. I save pineapple tops and eventually plant them out to grow more pineapples. It’s a principle that has proved its value many times over, but for some reason I haven't really applied it to content consumption.

So far the one thing I’ve implemented to make some changes in that department, was creating a google document where I can save ideas, quotes, lyrics, or anything that feels important when it pops into my head. Being willing to pause whatever I'm watching when an idea hits is teaching me to prioritize my own thoughts over the content I'm consuming. Same thing when I’m reading a book, sometimes the mind grabs onto a particular string of words and a fractal opens. Instead of trying to discipline myself to focus on the book, I’m building the habit of capturing those thoughts. I start writing a basic outline and whatever details are flowing in the moment, and eventually I can get back to whatever I was reading.

This little thought capturing exercise has already been pretty impactful. Seeing all of those words that could have easily been forgotten is empowering. It's evidence of optimism, like saving the seeds of an apple you just ate. I’m not sure what will grow out of these notes but for right now the exercise is what's important.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.